The Sixth Time Retribution
by xLostInTheSun
Summary: "They had coitus in my room; it's only fair I do too in theirs," Sheldon explained, as if it were the most sensible reaction possible to learning your friends had had sex on your bed. — Spoilers for S09E16 The Positive Negative Reaction


**A/N:** Just a silly little thing based on this week's episode and the revelation and Howard and Bernadette's baby was conceived in Sheldon's room. I tried to make it part cute, part funny, but I'm neither cute nor funny, so I may have missed the mark. Still I hope you enjoy this story.

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Saying Sheldon was agitated would have been an understatement. Truth be told, Amy had rarely seen him _that_ frantic, and, well, considering that this was _Sheldon_ , it was saying something. Squirming on his chair at the Wolowitzs' dinner table, his hands twisting his napkin in his lap, his gaze kept shifting from Howard to Bernadette to herself... had Amy not known him the way she did, she might have thought he'd fallen prey to a hard drug and was experiencing withdrawal. But she knew her Sheldon, and that the solution to his current predicament would not be sticking a needle in his arm and shoot him up with heroin.

Penny seemed to have noticed Sheldon's behaviour, too, and she raised an eyebrow at him. "What's up with you, now?" she asked, and Amy wished she hadn't, for everyone turned away from the current conversation – Bernadette's newly announced pregnancy – to look at Sheldon.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he answered, but he wasn't fooling Penny.

"You're even weirder than usual," she replied, and not for the first time, Amy silently wished they would stop using that word. Sheldon was not a weirdo. Sheldon was... Sheldon, she loved him for who he was, and in return, he loved _her_ for who she was, too. It was the first time in her life she'd loved and been loved, and she knew for a fact she never wanted to have that with anyone else – she knew she never would.

"I'm just... not used to eating here. It's bothering me," Sheldon replied, and Amy saw straight through this lie. Sure, they didn't have dinner at the Wolowitzs' very often – definitely not as often as Raj did – but they'd eaten here before. It was hardly anything new, and besides, Bernadette and Howard had cooked everything from scratch; it wasn't like they were eating at a new restaurant of which he hadn't had the chance to check out the kitchen to make sure it was sanitary.

Everyone else, though, seemed to eat that lie up, and after shrugging, went back to paying attention to the current converstation.

"Anyway, we wanted to thank you for coming on such short notice," Bernadette said, as if she hadn't been interrupted. "Howie and I really wanted to do something nice for you guys, since you helped us so much yesterday."

"Karaoke was nice already," Leonard said. "You shouldn't have gone to all this trouble."

"It was no trouble at all," Bernadette replied, and Howard snorted. When his wife looked at him with a raised eyebrow, he explained "What? You're not the one who had to peel and cut the onions!"

Bernadette smiled of a smile that clearly said she couldn't care less, to which Amy had to agree – she was the one who was going to be giving birth and have to endure the pain of childbirth; surely Howard could cut three onions!

"What we want to say," she went on "is that yesterday was kinda scary, and you guys really helped us out, and we wanted to honour that. We've got the best friends anyone could ask for, and we thank you for it."

Everyone seemed touched, smiling at their hosts – although Raj felt compelled to ask "Just to be clear, I'm still your _best_ best friend, right?" – but in the seat next to Amy's, Sheldon was still squirming and seemed to be paying very little attention to what Howard and Bernadette had to say.

Amy was kind of getting worried, now. Sheldon had gotten drunk the night before, and while he normally should have had sobered up already, she started to wonder if she was witnessing the after effects of that intoxication. Whispering "Sheldon, do you feel okay?" she tried to grab his hand, hoping the warmth of hers would sooth whatever it was that caused Sheldon to be so distraught, but her gesture had the opposite effect, for Sheldon recoiled as if he'd been burnt by her touch.

There had been a time Amy would have taken his reaction personally, a proof that she would always love him more than he did her, that he would never want her in the way that she did him, but she knew better, now. Sheldon had been with her on her birthday, revealing all of himself as he took all of her, and it had been the single greatest night of her life. He had been with her a few days later after he came back from spending Christmas in Texas, and, _oh_ , how he'd missed her, he had breathed into her mouth as her hand had been wrapped around him. He had been with her a couple of weeks later, after she came back from Detroit, and he had choked up on her name as she'd slowly, shyly, undressed for him, standing at the foot of his bed. He had been with her after his Meemaw flew back home, and as he came, he'd whispered in the crook of her neck that he'd marry her someday, it was a promise. And he'd been with her after they shot their special Fun With Flags episode on Valentine's Day, chanting out "I love you" as she'd kissed her way down his chest. They'd been together five times and they would be together many, many more times. Amy didn't have to worry about that anymore.

Which was why Sheldon's reaction to her touch was all the more worrisome, but she didn't have time to dwell on it, because as soon as Howard and Bernadette had just left to get the starters from the kitchen, Sheldon grabbed her hand and forced her up. Not paying any attention to Leonard, Penny, and Raj's startled faces – nor hers, for that matter – he dragged Amy out of the dining room into the living room. When he started to walk her towards the stairs, Amy tried to halt him, but he was so strong and so much taller than her that it was no use.

"What's going on, Sheldon?" she asked as he made her climb the stairs at such a pace she felt like she was going to be out of breath by the time they reached the second floor landing. But he didn't answer, not right away anyway, and when finally he did, it was without a word.

When they'd reached the second floor, he pushed her up against the wall, in the gentle, caring way only she knew, and he kissed her long and hard, all tongue and teeth, his fingers running through her hair, with such passion that when he finally broke the kiss, _wow_ , would you look at that – she really _was_ breathless.

"Wow," she whispered, a bit surprised, and then she remembered where they were. "Hm, Sheldon, that was nice, but, uh, we really shouldn't be kissing in someone else's house."

"Exactly!" Sheldon said, kind of angrily, which startled Amy even more than his previous behaviour had. "You don't kiss in other people's houses, because that's rude!" He removed his hands from her hair, letting them rest on her shoulders, and Amy felt the skin underneath her cardigan heat up at this chastest of carresses. "And you certainly don't _have coitus on other people's beds!_ "

Ah, there it was. The reason for his agitation. Sheldon was probably obsessing over all the germs and fluids Howard and Bernadette had brought into his room. Just because he'd come to adore hers didn't mean he wouldn't flinch at the idea of anyone else's touching his sheets, his bed, his shelter away from the world.

"Look, Sheldon, I'm not happy they did that either because..." well, because it'd become a shelter of hers, too.

Sheldon, however, didn't let her finish. "I'm not unhappy," he said. "I'm enraged, I'm outraged!" Amy could feel it, as his fingers dug deep into her shoulders, almost enough to hurt. "They apologized," she said. "You might not remember it because you were pretty drunk, last night, but they did, and it's done, so there's not really anything we can do about it, is there?"

He didn't seem to agree.

"There's plenty we can do about it, actually. We could have them killed—"

"Sheldon!"

"—or kill them ourselves—"

"Sheldon..."

"—or we could just go the old an eye for an eye road."

Amy's admonition died on her lips. She definitely did _not_ have seen this coming. "I'm sorry?" she said, her eyelids batting rapidly, seeking a confirmation she did not really need because she knew exactly what Sheldon had in mind.

"They had coitus in my room; it's only fair I do too in theirs," Sheldon explained, as if it were the most sensible reaction possible to learning your friends had had sex on your bed.

"Sheldon, that's insane!" Amy exclaimed. "Not to mention wildly unhygienic!" She'd heard enough stories about the Wolowitzs' sex life from Bernadette to be certain of _that_.

"I know that, which is why I took antibacterial soap with me, so we can shower and scrub our skins raw and clean afterwards. And it's not insane, unless you think always wanting to get revenge for all kind of offenses is insane."

Well yeah, she thought it was, and wow, he'd really thought that through.

"Even if I wanted to have sex on Howard and Bernadette's bed, which, I _don't—_ "

"I don't either, but that's not the point."

"—everyone is downstairs! They're going to know be looking for us! It's a wonder they actually haven't started yet! Their eyes were saucers when you dragged me out of the room!"

"Exactly," Sheldon replied, his fingers gently caressing her shoulders now, as if he was trying to coax her into agreeing. "So we should start on it before they find us and it's too late!"

This was insane. Sheldon was upset about this form of violation of his privacy, and Amy understood that, but this was not a healthy reaction.

"Let's think of it this way," Amy said, desperate to make her boyfriend see reason. "They conceived a child in your bedroom. They're going to be hands deep into baby droppings in less than nine months. I think that's karmic retribution enough."

"But it's not coming from _me_ ," Sheldon whined, and Amy chuckled.

"You'll find another way to get back at them that is not so impossible, Sheldon."

Sheldon grew quiet, then, looking deep into her eyes with a new intensity that took Amy by surprise. She had expected him to complain more, or to try and demonstrate using scientific principles that they _had_ to have sex on the Wolowitzs' bed, maybe even to drag her to Howard and Bernadette's bedroom without even asking for her permission – at which point she probably would have had to kick him _there_ , so it was for the best he had not. What she had not expected, though, was for the uncertain tone of his voice when he finally spoke again, finally taking a step back and letting go of her shoulders.

"Amy... do I fail to please you sexually?"

Of all the things she'd expected him to say, this had definitely not been on the list.

"Oh, Sheldon, no, of course not! Why would you...?"

Sheldon blushed, then, and Amy would have thought he looked adorable if she hadn't been worried to know where this idea was coming from.

"It's just that... well, I've noticed that... ah, I always finish before you do. I take and take and take from you, and I never give you back anything. I'm a terrible lover and that's why you won't have sex with me"

Oh. Amy looked away, then, unsure how to answer. She didn't think he'd noticed. She hadn't wanted him to know. Whether or not she finished with him, it didn't matter, as long as they were together. Besides, she knew this took practice and that they would get there someday.

 _Maybe that's what you should tell him_ , a voice that sounded suspisciously like Penny's said in her head. And so she did.

"How can you say you don't care?" Sheldon exclaimed, visibly distraught.

"Because being with you is the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me. And truth be told..." She blushed then, thinking of what she was about to say. "Truth be told, even if _that_ part of lovemaking still eludes us... well, your fingers are talented enough to give me orgasms, Sheldon. You give me so much more than what you take."

Sheldon smiled shyly at her, then. "You're not just saying that?"

"Of course not," she said. And – blame it on her love for this man, on the way he looked at her, on the way he'd bared himself out of fear, on the way it felt to see him so raw and naked even if he was still clad in his Flash tee-shirt – she grabbed his hand and walked the three steps that separated them from the Wolowitzs' bedroom.

"Amy?"

"We're doing this," she replied. "My man wants to have revenge sex? Then we'll have revenge sex."

"Lord, how I love you," Sheldon said, pushing her against the door of the Wolowitzs' bedroom, and he kissed her even harder than before. "I love you so, so much, Amy Farrah Fowler," he said as he left her mouth and attacked her neck, one of his hands travelling to her waist while the other fumbled with the door handle. Amy finally heard a click, and the door opened. Sheldon caught her so she wouldn't fall on her back – _hoo_ , if she hadn't been turned on from his kisses and his raw emotions already, she surely would have been by the way his arms circled the small of her back to hold her in place.

"Damn, this is so hot," she whispered in spite of herself. She looked up at her man, then, hoping against all hopes that he would scoop her into his arms and carry her to the Wolowitzs' hopefully not too disgusting bed, but the look she found on his face was not one of pure desire – it was not even one of pure glee at the idea of getting revenge on their friends.

No, it was a look of pure horror.

"Sheldon?" she asked, and he took a step back and let go of her, causing her to fall loudly on her behind. Well, so much for chivalry!

"No, we're not doing it here," he said, his eyes fixed on something behind her. Getting up, Amy followed his gaze too fall on one of Howard's _possibly used_ underwear, on the bed. "No amount of scrubbing could rid me of this kind of germs. No. No, no, no."

Amy burst out laughing, then. "Wow, you're terrible at revenge," she said, cupping his cheek in her hands and giving him a quick kiss on the lips. "Come on," she added, passing him. "Let's go back to dinner."

She started to walk towards the stairs, but he didn't follow her. "Sheldon?" she asked, turning back to him.

"Or," he said slowly, his voice shy. "We could just, hm, skip dinner, and head home for... ah, for dessert."

Amy felt a smile creep up on her face. "Skipping a thank you dinner thrown for us? Yeah, that's as rude as having coitus in someone else's room."

Turned out Sheldon was good at revenge – and, later that night, he even became good at waiting for her to finish.

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 **A/N:** You know what they say — if you like it, you should put a review on it. :)


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